A bit of thinking space

SG and I had a “talk” this morning and we’ve decided not to see each other for a week while we both take a bit of time out to think about whether this relationship is the right thing for us.

I initiated the talk and suggested the week apart. We’re very different people and that’s always been in the back of my mind. But that wasn’t the only thing that¬†pushed me to this point.

SG is a shy, reserved type. He doesn’t have much confidence in himself. I remember on one of our early dates, we went to the cinema and I asked him what type of films he liked. He got this deer in the headlights look and wouldn’t answer. It turns out he was worried that I wouldn’t approve of what he said. To me, it seemed so silly – if we have different tastes in films , it’s hardly a deal breaker!

He’s got better with time, but sometimes I find his diffidence irritating in the extreme. I feel like I’m always in charge, like I’m the leader in this relationship, and that’s not what I want. I’d much prefer something a bit more equal. And I’m worried that his lack of adventurousness will frustrate me with time. Only this week he told me he’d like to take up martial arts again, but wanted me to come along with him – he said he’d feel too uncomfortable to go alone.

Then there’s the sex – or the lack of it more accurately. At first, it was partially my fault. SG is a pretty well-endowed fellow and it took a bit of getting used to – especially as the condoms meant he was lasting a long time. I really didn’t enjoy it much at the beginning to be honest. Now I’ve got used to his size and I’m taking the pill, but instead of going at it like rabbits, we’re barely managing once a week.

I haven’t known how to bring it up, but this morning I finally did. He said that he doesn’t feel confident with me. That I care so much about things going on the world, and have such strong opinions, that I end up expressing my opinions too forcefully. That I’m quite fiery – I can lose my temper and get upset about things. That he worries about how different we are – I love travelling but that’s not a priority for him, he’s a homebody and I like socialising. It all affects his confidence and this hits how much he wants sex with me.

It was difficult to know what do do next. Perhaps we want each other to be different people and we’ll never be happy with each other as we are – we’re just too different. It would be a sad conclusion after all these months, but probably not ¬†big surprise to many people – lots of my friends have commented on how different we are. Perhaps we like each other enough to find compromises to these issues. I don’t know. So we’ve decided to take some time out and think about it – about what happens next.

We’re meeting up next Sunday and I guess we’ll see.

 

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